A week of fighting my fears

It goes without saying, that humans are fearful beings. There are relevant fears that we couldn’t control back when we first existed, just as there are relevant fears that we can’t control now.

Then there’s the ‘other’ fears: The fear of being too wild, too smelly, too poor, too quiet, too pushy, too bitchy, too lonely, too wrong, too this and too that. I have some good news. We can control and overcome some of our fears.

One week ago, I downloaded an app called Habit Tracker. It’s an app that I use to track everything from brushing my teeth once a day, to making sure I consume at least 1.5 litres of water and that I stay on top with reading books and writing blog posts.

The app feels me with immense joy and as usual, I took it one step further.

Co-inside with my fierce need to become independent, I decided to make a promise to myself. To overcome one fear, no matter how big or tiny, a day. Then, to write it down on the app so that I could look back at it later.

If the thought of that makes you want to hide under the duvet, here’s my permission to you to scale it back. Overcoming one fear a week, is still a massive achievement. The best thing about it, is that you don’t have to just phone someone once and think the problem is solved, you can keep going back to it until you laugh at yourself for seeing the thing as a fear in the first place.

And, to celebrate hitting the 7th day of overcoming my fears, I thought I would share them with you, to perhaps inspire you to overcome a fear today, even if you don’t want to commit to a week!

  1. Going on the dance machine on my own, without anyone around me

Expect that it turned out that the dance machine didn’t work… but still glad I went for it. It’s a step forward in the right direction. Perhaps, the next time I take the step forward, I might be rewarded with the dance machine actually alive and functioning?

2. Reply to a company asking to share blogs

I can’t be sure for certain that it wasn’t spam, but nonetheless I did it. I took a risk. It doesn’t matter if I get zero response, as a dear friend and blogger said, the worse that can happen is that you don’t take a chance by not doing it.

3. Deleted chronometer

I don’t want to be weighed down by the fear of not hitting a health target and be ruled by numbers of the opposite end of the scale. If I eat healthy, my mind and my body will let me know. I don’t need an app to tell me that!

4. Eating a chocolate brand before eating the crisps

Are you really that surprised? It’s another food fear. This is a packed lunch fear that I have since I can remember, as I always believed that a sandwich followed by crisps then chocolate was the only right way to eat a packed lunch. I realise now, how much of a time-thought waster this was. The irrational fear of getting fat by not eating my packed lunch in order was pointless. This is the more rational answer: If I’m going to get fat, the order of which I eat, won’t effect me!

5. Refusing to buy brownies because of the calorie content

I refuse to play that game. If I want a brownie, I’m going to buy one and eat the full amount of calories with it alongside a full fat can of Pepsi. Then I will take an extra piece because f*ck skinny food that’s why! 

I want to be real and live a life without worrying about food. Indulging in that fear isn’t a part of what I try so hard to promote. That thought itself, keeps me going.

6. Deleted YouTube

Not only the videos, but the entire account. I can’t like, save or comment on videos anymore and I prefer it. If I really enjoyed someones content that much, I’ll follow them on Instagram or remember their name and their posting schedule. It’s been 3 days so far and I’ve only watched 5 videos so far. Massive achievement considering I used to spend 3 hours a day on there. I’m grateful of the extra time to focus on more intentional activities!

7. Wearing Leggings

I’m a funny one when it comes to leggings. I blame my petite, tiny frame. Leggings play a small part in my anxiety – I fear being abandoned by my class mates because of it, or appearing as if I don’t have my life together. That said, my perception has changed. Clothes are just clothes! They suggest nothing about who a person truly is.

8. Asking my son’s Dad if I could take responsibility in changing our son at the swimming pool

Finally, a laughable fear to some, but a complete anxiety head spinner fear to me. I’m terrified of hurting him, of taking my time with him and of doing something wrong. Mostly, the taking my time is a perceived fear that I think I developed as a response to being around other people when I’m with him. Arguably, this is the fear (out of the 3) which is the easiest to overcome or at least to understand from my own point of view and from that of others.

However, after a year of walking the tight ropes, I’m finally tired of not jumping into the pool enough to start tackling it. This is my chance at trying to work things out for the better and it starts with tackling this fear of changing him! By actually completing the task, I believe not only will it be a step forward in terms of being alone with my son, but a massive step in challenge my belief system as a unworthy, useless mother.

As with every other fear – I am terrified, but excited to feel the relief of knocking down another wall that fear built.

 

Are there any fears that you have overcome this week?

Let me know in the comments below, I’d love to get some inspiration from other people. 

 

2 thoughts on “A week of fighting my fears

  1. mentalhealthandlifestyle says:

    Went to pride with my friends!! Yes there was a blip, yes I ended up with the ambulance crew but that didn’t stop me from enjoying it. As soon as I was stabilized I went back and partied the night away!! Im going to download that app you suggested

    Like

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